佚名/Anonymous

　　Have you ever walked away from a situation and wished you handled it differently? At times, do you feel that others overlook your rights? Can you recall losing your temper and not getting your point across effectively? If you have answered “yes”to any of these questions, you may feel challenged in the area of assertiveness. Assertiveness is the ability to clearly represent your thoughts and feelings in a mutually respectful way. It does not infringe on the rights of others or rely on guilt for results. Assertiveness starts with the premise that each human being is given rights that do not depend on status or performance. You have the right to express your perspective. You have the right to assume personal responsibility and to decline responsibility for others. How you govern yourself in relation to these rights is important for “valued”communication.

　　Communication is valued when both parties, the sender and the receiver, are respected. There are three primary styles of communication: passive, assertive, and aggressive. The difference between passive, assertive, and aggressive communication rests with the exchange between parties and quality of the message. Passiveness diminishes your capacity to be heard and validated. Aggressiveness exerts differential power to promote a certain end result that is not based on mutual respect. Only assertiveness respectfully engages both parties for valued communication.

　　In order to achieve assertive communication, one needs a level of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-awareness. Self-confidence is projected, not performed. It has to radiate from within and does not rely on others. Self-worth comes from believing that you are a worthwhile individual who deserves the best that life has to offer. Self-awareness develops from personal monitoring. One learns of strengths and weaknesses by making internal assessments. Self-assertion is a natural process for individuals who are confident and aware. In essence, you must have confidence within before you can demonstrate it in the midst of others.

　　你是否曾逃避过某种局面，并希望用不同的方式来处理呢？有时候，你是否觉得自己的权利被忽视？你能否回想起发脾气，以及没人理解你的意见的时候？如果，你对其中任何一个问题，回答“是的”的话，你可能在坚定自信的表达方面受到了挑战。坚定自信的表达是能够以双方相互尊重的方式，清晰地说出你的看法和感受。它不会侵犯别人的权利，也不会因结果而愧疚。坚定自信的表达以天赋人权为前提，不是建立在地位或成就上。你有权利表达自己的观点，有权利承担自己的责任，并拒绝承担他人的责任。能否进行“有价值”的交流，关键在于你如何支配自己的这些权利。

　　当沟通的双方——讲述者和倾听者都受到尊重时，交流才有价值。主要的沟通方式有三种：消极被动的接受、坚定自信的交流、强迫他人接受。三者的差异性在于交流双方和信息质量不同。消极接受使你的表达和被认可的能力降低；强迫他人接受，是为了导致某种结果，而施加了其他的力量，不是建立在互相尊重的基础上。只有坚定自信的交流才使双方都受到尊重，才能进行有价值的交流。

　　一个人需要有一定程度的自信、自我肯定和自知之明，才能进行坚定自信的交流。自信，是要从内心凸现，而不是伪装出来的。它发自内心，不依赖于任何人。自我肯定，即相信自己的价值，相信自己是生活中美好事物的承载者。自知之明，源于自我控制，它能通过自身评定获知自己的优缺点。对于一个自信并自知的人，坚定自信的表达是一个很自然的过程。从本质上说，在你向他人证明自己之前，必须有自信。

　　心灵小语

　　相信自己是获取别人信任的第一步。一个人需要自信、自我肯定和自知之明，才能进行坚定自信的交流。

　　词汇笔记

　　assertiveness [??s?:tivnis] n. 魄力；自信；果断

　　例 Use your own assertiveness to get the things you want.

　　用自己的魄力得到想要的东西。

　　assume [??sju:m] v. 假定；设想；承担

　　例 They have tended to assume increasing opportunity costs.

　　他们往往假定机会成本是递增的。

　　aggressive [??gresiv] adj. 好斗的；侵略性的；有进取心的

　　例 They were the most aggressive imperialists ever known to history.

　　他们是历史上最富有侵略性的帝国主义者。

　　promote [pr??m?ut] v. 促进；提升；升迁

　　例 This job has great chance to promote.

　　这份工作有很好的晋升机会。

　　小试身手

　　它不会侵犯别人的权利，也不会因结果而愧疚。

　　译_______________

　　坚定自信的表达以天赋人权为前提，不是建立在地位或成就上。

　　译_______________

　　你有权利表达自己的观点，有权利承担自己的责任，并拒绝承担他人的责任。

　　译_______________

　　短语家族

　　Have you ever walked away from a situation and wished you handled it differently？

　　walk away from：从……平安地脱身；从……旁边走过

　　造_______________

　　How you govern yourself in relation to these rights is important for“valued”communication.

　　in relation to：关于；涉及；与……相比；有关

　　造_______________